Life only demands from the strength you possess. Only one feat is possible -- not to have to run away.

It was a summer vacations' Saturday. My students were playing cricket in my friend's garden. I still recall the crack of the bat and sound of breaking glass as the ball sailed right through the centre of my friend’s dining-room window. 'Smash'

My friend; who understood that young boys did these things, gave them the chance to do the right thing. He asked them to help him pick up the pieces. After cleaning up the glass, they were able to continue enjoying their game; this time, down at the nearest cricket ground.

Challenges help us to develop strength and resiliency. However, there is another aspect of life's challenges to consider. Sometimes things break beyond fixing. Certain mistakes are irreversible. Tragedy may take away our physical abilities or even the life of someone we love. We might spend years preparing for a career or building a relationship only to see it stolen by circumstances beyond our control. Unlike shattered windows, we cannot always replace shattered hopes, dreams, and relationships. However, that is not the end of the story.

In times of disappointment, our first course of constructive action may be to pick up the pieces. We need to allow ourselves to feel the pain and move through the grief or sense of unfairness completely before we can re-start.

Picking up the pieces is not giving up. It is an act of responsibility and compassion toward the self - a process of cleansing the soul, putting the past in order and releasing fearful thoughts. It brings closure that allows us to move forward with acceptance, forgiveness and serenity.

We have the strength to see life's seemingly unfair demands in a miraculous new way. We can choose to see blessings where the world would have us see only tragedy or regret. Instead of surrendering our aliveness, we find renewed courage and new opportunities to serve humanity.

Our greatest blessing is the discovery that we not only have the strength to pick up the pieces of our own shattered dreams but also to help others rebuild their lives. We can ask Allah to outshine fear with thoughts of love and compassion. This prayer can reveal blessings even in the toughest of times.

Indeed, the hardest of times will teach that compassion is one of the greatest miracles when dreams get shattered. "Picking up the pieces when they fall" begins a journey to living anew with love, courage and hope for a bright future.

Better Bend Than Break

No two people are alike. All different things make up who we are. It is therefore almost impossible for people to agree about everything. What we are then left with is compromise.

A world that is filled with different points of view, trying to live together under one umbrella, if each one of us presses our position so far and in no way gives ground, that umbrella starts to shrink and many are left in the rain. Realistic minds understand this, however, there are many that take the approach, ‘My way or the highway.’  A compromise is a negotiation between two or more parties, either individuals or groups which helps to reach a mutually agreed upon decision. Essential to the idea of a mutual agreement is that each person/group participating in the agreement must make the decision to surrender some of the things he/she/they would want in order to hopefully get the things most desired. Compromise exists in all aspects of life: in matters of business, relationships, and so on. Even personally, an individual may have to compromise with him or herself in order to reach the most workable arrangements for pursuing a life.

Our relationships are full of compromises and in certain instances rules do have to be followed, for example, if Mom and Dad say you have to be in by ten in the evening, in the child’s best interest, this rule should be followed. As one gets older, compromise becomes more and more important in the health and development of relationships. Each week-end a family can make plans on what it wants to do to enjoy its time together. How much fun it could be, if all the family does is do what one member wants? Dad wants to go to a ballgame but Mom may want to go to the zoo; the children would rather go to the movies. What do you do? How about a movie about a baseball player who hits a home run into the zoo? Life is very rarely that simple (ha!)

People often ask, "What's wrong with my relationship?" or "Why are relationships so hard?" 

 When people wonder why their relationship is so difficult, the underlying assumption is that it shouldn't be. There is an implied belief and expectation that a good relationship should come naturally, easily. This is a remnant of the myth of romantic love and its subsequent cultural conditions that "love is the answer" to all our life's struggles.

There seems to be a collective fantasy that "when the right person comes along", we will join together in perfect harmony and move through life together like paired ice skaters -- flowing flawlessly, effortlessly. Then when we stumble (have conflict) we worry, "What's wrong" Why is this so hard?"

 Maybe the answer is, "There's nothing wrong. By their very nature relationships will be difficult, and sometimes very difficult." 

 First, most of us desire relationships that are satisfying and meaningful before we have even developed a good relationship with ourselves. We somehow expect to be able to connect deeply with another person before we have connected even superficially with ourselves.

 Culturally, self-reflection and exploration are seen as indulgent or wasteful, yet we are pressed to enter into emotionally committed relationships before we've given ourselves a chance to explore who we are, what we believe and feel at our cores, what our strengths and frailties may be. Often relationship struggles are the outer reflection of our inner struggle to find and define self.

 Secondly, relationships are hard because they require balancing two basic and conflicting human drives: the need to be a separate, autonomous self (and the individual freedom this implies) with the need to be connected with other (and the compromise/negotiation this requires).

Hey, we all see things a little differently sometimes but if we can respect each other’s feelings, hopefully we can find common ground, where we all can have some harmony.

Life is meant to be shared!

Money Vs Love

The two facets of life that overall inflict the mightiest highs and most devastating lows are Love and Money. Emotions and Finance which is powerful concoction that moves through our lives over time. The better we understand their affect is, the more control and discipline we will have over the joy/pain factor. Responsibility is a key ingredient for both; still, a full comprehension is needed if we are to get a handle on their affects.

Let us ponder the thought, how important is it in our lives who we love and who loves us? God loves us unconditionally, but human to human love can be a whole different scenario. Who we choose to love sets the stage for at least fifty percent of the daily influences in our lives. If we are in a healthy and growing relationship, we prosper and evolve, basically becoming better people. When in a destructive and suppressive environment, we become trapped and stagnate. Is it any wonder why the infliction of depression is so common these days? So it falls to us to try the best we can to choose relationships that can nurture our lives in a positive way. Yes indeed, relationships do go sour sometimes and one must move on but it’s always good to keep in mind how important emotional partnerships really are.

Finances or for a better word, plain old money in my life’s experiences have delivered the hardest blows. Many of my friends, myself included, have learned sometimes the hard way that “There aren’t free lunch” the bill eventually comes , If only in the present moment we realize that each financial decision we make so greatly can affect our tomorrow, we may think twice of buying an item that we will eventually pay back three times its value. Hey, we all need a home, a car, etc.  However, isn’t it interesting that it’s the mundane and temporary stuff that costs the most? So many books have been written on how to become financially independent yet still most of us get to retirement age with little or no savings. Money, as one says, could be the root of all evil but that all depends on what you do with it.

Is it so important to marry the millionaire? Do we really think we would be happier? Do movie stars really have a better life? Each night on our television screens a parade of individuals are pranced out before us, telling us “We’ve made it! This is the way to live!!” Only to at some point watch them crash. The heart and the pocketbook, talk about opposites attracting! So what do we do? Is there Nirvana? The perfect world! where everything is wonderful and beautiful all of the time? Yes there is, but it’s not here.

As some say “The day is evil, it is up to us to make it good.” Wouldn’t it be incredible if each life was enriched by Love, and balanced by Finance, think about all the good that one could do with all that extra time. Then there could be no excuses, only the Truth of who we are.

I have become comfortably numb!

Have you ever had a week where so much has happened that by Friday, you feel comfortably numb? A state where so much has gone on that not only do you feel neither here nor there, but disorientation circles around you? Comfortably numb! Why does this happen, we may ask? Perhaps it is the mind’s way of giving us a “time out,” a chance to reflect, relax, regroup and prepare to get back on the treadmill of humanity.

Many of us are constantly looking for ways to deal with the pressures of life. Some use medication, others alcohol and some exercise. Unfortunately, more and more are just choosing to tune out and float. You know what I mean? Just look around, you can see it. It’s one thing to daydream; it’s something else entirely to look vacated.

Have you ever gotten into a car, driven around few blocks and wondered how you got there? Comfortably numb! Have you ever had a conversation with someone, tuned out and tuned back in before the end of the conversation? Comfortably numb! Have you ever had a cup of coffee and then the next minute the cup is empty and you’re wondering who drank it all? Comfortably numb! How about this one; you think it’s Tuesday until you get to the office and find out it’s Wednesday! Comfortably numb, indeed!

  

The Grass is Always Greener

We all believe we have, the patent on pain, nobody truly feels the way we do. We walk around town looking at the sea of faces, and we think to ourselves “If you only knew what I’m going through,” when really there could be quite a few people worse off than us. Why do we always feel so separated from the rest of humanity, feeling that nobody else goes through what we go through, when in fact pain is pain, joy is joy, and somewhere in-between is where we live?

Recently my ex  lost her mother Mrs. Khan to cancer. A friend said to her shortly after Mrs. Khan’s death, “Is there anything I can do to help you?” My ex answer was “Bring her back.” Here is one of the talented women in the world, having to come to grips with loss and pain, and I’m sure my ex would gladly trade every dime she’s ever made to bring her beloved mother back. We are born, and all around us are people who are also born and eventually die….and as we travel along the road of life circumstances push and pull at us in all directions. At some point we get a grip of some of the mystery of life.

Doctors, lawyers, teachers, secretaries, electricians, plumbers etc….we all rise each morning doing our work, hoping for a better day. The Family of Man, looking at its differences, when all the while the strengths are in their similarities. When you hurt, reach out…there are others too who have felt the same way you do. When you feel great happiness, share it…because the pendulum swings both ways. You see, we really are a family on this planet with much in common….sharing all the pain and all the joy. Is the grass truly greener on the other side? A wise man once said, “There can be no measure for pain no matter what the walk of life.”

Mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, neighbors down the street….the voice half a world away….we all juggle the intricacies of life daily. We all feel others don’t understand us, but we may be surprised. So is the grass always greener? Or is it just a false perception of someone else’s life. Hey, even Bill Gates has a bad hair day once in a while and has to go to the dentist!!! ;)

Tend your garden,

Lots of Love

Faizan

Sometimes as we go through the week, by about Wednesday we seem to run out of gas, wondering what it is we must do and where we must go. We look for the strength, the power that we need to help us understand the problems and the set-backs that seem to enter our lives week by week. The search begins to find the answers to understand the whys and the wherewithalls in this existence that we call life.
We search for somebody who can feel the pain and the hurt that we carry with us each day. In this world that is sometimes made up of darkness, with a glimmer of light, many times I have felt lost, in need of a friend, someone who could understand how I feel. The emptiness somehow subsides when I look to the Heavens, and I feel the warmth and the presence of somebody who understands, and feels my pain. Even though I feel I am responsible for the choices that I make here in this life, I do believe that I have a partner who walks with me, and holds my hand. That partner to me is God. If I am to believe that this existence is all that there is, then I feel cheated. But I believe there is something much greater than this planet, an existence where many people walk as one. So even in my darkest hour I find the hope and the vision to keep on going, because one day I believe I too will walk as one through God.

The dreams, the set-backs, the failures, are so confusing sometimes. We wonder what it is we are to do as people to make and to leave this place a better existence for all. Perhaps that is what it’s all about…. put in our two cents, so that the others that come after us find it a little easier. The pleasure and the gifts that can be given everyday by each one of us is astronomical. A kind word or friendly smile can go so far, and the ramifications are tremendous. We are all one family, trying to find our way home. The lost sheep, looking for that light that shines, to help us understand why it is we are here.

Whenever you feel lonely and adrift there are people out there who can help. Perhaps friends, family or a kind stranger. But there is help. You don’t have to do it all by yourself. Whenever you look around and see nobody, don’t be afraid to look up, written across the sky may be the answer that you’re looking for. Heaven has strange ways of letting us know that they watch.

I sometimes joke to myself that if this is all that there is perhaps I should ask for my money back! But I believe there is more…there is some profound reason that each one of us is here, and there’s some special gift each one of us has to deliver.

So if you feel you’ve reached a dead-end, nowhere to turn, maybe the help you need is nearby.. Don’t be afraid to ask.